


Edelgard's worst nightmare

by LesbianDragon_LD



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Crack, Cunnilingus, F/F, I mean it on the crack, I'm Sorry, Vaginal Fingering, gay panic edelgard, idk whatelse to tag this as, suggestions of very innapropriate activities, very cracky fic, very ooc Byleth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-02-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:28:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22794769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LesbianDragon_LD/pseuds/LesbianDragon_LD
Summary: Edelgard's worst nightmare is a thirsty Byleth. A very, very, VERY thirsty Byleth.This is a fic to celebrate reaching 800 followers on twitter, and was voted on by a poll there.
Relationships: Edelgard von Hresvelg/My Unit | Byleth
Comments: 25
Kudos: 218





	Edelgard's worst nightmare

**Author's Note:**

> I am very sorry in advance for this crack. I have no excuse as to why I wrote this other than I'm probably gonna go to hell for this.  
> Anyway, I cried legit tears as I wrote this mess.  
> I'm sorry for making them say 'fuck' and 'pussy.'  
> And now, if you'll excuse me, I'll proceed to drink so much that I make Manuela look like a baby. (I'm kidding on that last part, I don't drink, please don't get concerned for me).
> 
> Side note: thank you @shepalin_rawr for having enough patience to put up with my dumbass nonsense as I wrote this fic. Follow her on twitter she's cool af and does great art.

Edelgard worked the evening away at her desk, inside her office. She was tired, but she had a huge pile of documents and letters to attend to. The War had just ended after all, and she needed to leave things decently organized before she was allowed to fully rest.  
But being cooped up in her office all day made Edelgard desperate to focus on something that didn’t involve work.  
Just as she allowed herself a minute to take a deep breath and a sip of her bergamot tea, Edelgard heard someone knocking at her door. She told them to come in, assuming it would be Hubert bringing some biscuits for her, or Ferdinand asking her if she needed assistance.  
She didn’t expect, however, to see Byleth open the door and lock it behind her as she came inside.  
Edelgard almost paid her no mind until she notice there was something...strange about Byleth.  
As she walked towards her desk she swayed her hips in a very, very obvious way. She was also smiling, but it looked more like a smug smirk rather than a gentle smile. And, if the whole thing wasn’t strange enough already, Byleth was wearing very skimpy clothes. Sure, her fashion choice was already somewhat questionable, but her outfit that evening was something else. Her usual tights were gone, leaving her legs bare. Her usually short shorts were somehow shorter. Her armor was missing, and her shirt was replaced with a top with flimsy straps that left a lot of skin exposed, from her bare stomach to her bare shoulders and arms. The only thing that really saved her was her usual jacket, which Byleth was proceeding to slowly undress as she made her way to Edelgard and- oh...oh. Oh.

“Oh El! El, El, El!” Byleth purred as she reached the desk, rounding it to meet Edelgard, “I’ve missed you terribly, El! I’ve been oh so very lonely without you…”

Edelgard blinked.

“Byleth...a-are you alright?” Edelgard asked her, deeply concerned, “you’re not acting like yourself...at all. It doesn’t seem like you’re drunk either...What’s gotten into you?”

“Nothing’s gotten into me!” Byleth giggled, “but I’m noticing that you look so strong...why, I think you could carry me all the way to your bed with those strong and very sexy arms of yours...you could just lift me up, carry me over your shoulder and lock me up in your bedroom for hours!”

Edelgard choked.

“Byleth, you’re scaring me. I’m deeply concerned.”

To make things worse, Byleth sat on Edelgard’s lap, causing the Emperor to yelp in panic, fear, and a slight hint of arousal.

“Oh? Is that so?” Byleth fake pouted as her hands playfully trailed Edelgard’s buttons, threatening to pry open her shirt, her face coming closer and closer to Edelgard’s, “I’m so sorry for worrying you, my lovely El...I’ve been such a naughty girl, maybe I need a hard spanking-” 

Edelgard shrieked like a cat being sprayed with cold water, and in a desperate attempt to get away from Byleth’s lips she fell off her chair, her bosom landing straight into the floor.

“Oh no, El! Are you hurt?” she heard Byleth ask her, slightly concerned, as Edelgard rubbed the spot that hit the floor and cursed aloud, before Byleth continued, “don’t worry, El! I’ll nurse you back to health! You can lie down over my lap as I give you a nice massage!”

“N-no! No, I’m not hurt, I’m only a little sore, please don’t-” Edelgard explained, only to stop once she saw Byleth get off the chair to join her on the floor.  
Yet before that happened, Byleth decided to get a bit more... comfortable.

“Why are you taking your top off?” Edelgard desperately cried out, even more confused, “I’m the one who is injured!”

“Don’t you like me better when I’m naked?” Byleth asked, feigning innocence that only made Edelgard’s cheeks burn red, as red as her cape.

“Yes! I mean, no! I mean, yes but- ugh!” Edelgard cried out again, “w-why are you acting like this? D-did Dorothea tell you to act like this? Or was it Manuela’s doing? Where did you even learn this?”

To Edelgard’s horror, Byleth crawled to her. And Edelgard tried to crawl away, but Byleth was quick to catch up to her. Edelgard’s back hit the wall behind her and Byleth was finally able to crawl up to her, to loom over her lap as Edelgard stuttered a quick prayer to the Goddess.

“You wound me, this is my doing”, Byleth huffed, and for a second Edelgard thought she was back to normal again.

For one single second, before Byleth opened her mouth again.

“Edelgard. I want you to spank me. I want you to throw me on the bed. I want you to put a collar and a leash on me, call me yours and take me from behind. I want you to spread me across your lap and fuck me raw. Fuck. Me. Hard. Like we’ve never fucked before. Call me your naughty professor, your dirty consort, and shove your fingers so far up my a-”

Edelgard’s hand covered Byleth’s mouth so fast that she almost choked.  
Edelgard could hear Byleth trying to speak, and fearing that she was trying to tell her something serious, she removed her hand. Only to regret it seconds after;

“Oh Goddess, El, yes! Yes! Choke me harder!”

Edelgard cried out so loud that she was sure the whole palace had heard her.

“Please, Byleth! Stop! I’m so scared!” Edelgard cried, “why are you like this? What the fuck happened, I’ve never been so scared and concerned! I’m going to call Manuela; this isn’t normal and I can’t take it anymore!”

For a moment, Byleth stopped.

“That’s so hot.”

“Excuse me?” Edelgard huffed, wondering if she’d regret pushing this issue further like this.

“You. Saying ‘fuck.’ It’s so hot. I was already wet but now I’m soaking. Say it again. Tell me you'll fuck me nice and hard until the sun rises again.”

Edelgard covered her face with her hands, her face so red that it could finally be mistaken for her cape.

“Byleth please, I don’t know why you’re acting like this but please...please! Just go back to normal! I’ll make love to you but not like this!”

Just as Edelgard thought she’d be safe from her own wife, ready to make up and have some good and wholesome sex, she felt Byleth sit on her lap again. Or rather, grinding on her lap. And she felt her hands pull her own hands away from her face so that she could see Byleth’s face.

“Edelgard. I need you to fuck me. Right fucking now.”

Edelgard stuttered in confused panic, and Byleth took one of her hands under her shorts, making Edelgard feel her wetness.

“That’s uh...oh my...oh my indeed” Edelgard embarrassedly let out, absolutely dumbfounded by how wet Byleth was for her as her fingers moved inside her.

Yet Byleth wasted no time grinding on Edelgard’s fingers, moving her hips to cause friction as Edelgard froze, still dumbfounded.

“Edelgard, you’re so good! You are so good with your fingers! I could take them inside me all day, if I didn’t want to shove mine inside you as we-”

“Byleth. I never thought I’d have to say this-” Edelgard interrupted, sighing, “but please stop talking.”

“Do you-ah! K-know what’s an easy way to make me stop?” Byleth purred in between moans as Edelgard’s fingers moved faster and deeper inside her, “it’s to gag me, El. E-either gag me or s-silence me with your ah! Pussy in my mouth and-oh, harder! Harder, El!” 

As Byleth got closer to orgasm, Edelgard pinched the bridge of her nose. Byleth didn’t care, having the time of her life as she humped Edelgard’s fingers with raw passion. But Edelgard silently prayed to all gods she knew that no one heard them or worse, walked in on them, as Edelgard had never before been so embarrassed in her whole life.  
As Byleth came, she breathed out a very loud and flashy erotic moan. A moan that was sure to embarrass anyone who heard it. So naturally, Edelgard wished she could die from her sheer embarrassment.

“Oh, El, delicious!” Byleth teased as she took Edelgard’s fingers out of herself and guided them to her lips, licking her own wetness off of Edelgard’s fingers as Edelgard yelped.

“But I’m not done yet” Byleth purred in between sucking and licking, “I still want to make you scream.”

“Honestly that’s the most normal thing you’ve said so far” Edelgard sighed.

“Is that so?” Byleth purred, “then allow me to ruin it by telling how much I want you. On your desk, in our old classroom, in the gardens, in the fucking conference room in front of all those stuck up nobles. I want you to fuck me hard and show them that I’m yours, just force me on your desk and shove your strap so far up inside me that I won’t be able to walk straight for months. I want you to destroy me, El.”

Half of Edelgard felt a bit numb to this nonsense by now. The other half made Edelgard scream internally.  
Either way, Edelgard groaned in aroused frustration, ready to cry.  
And Byleth smirked.

“I’m your good girl, El. Never forget that. I’m yours and you’re mine” Byleth hummed as she undid Edelgard’s pants, pulling them down to reveal just how wet Edelgard truly was.

“How shameful, El” Byleth teased, “you told me to stop and look how wet you are. You love this. Tell me that you love your depraved wife acting like a common whore.”

“Do you really have to phrase it like that?” Edelgard cried out in shame, avoiding Byleth’s gaze by turning her head, her cheeks burning red yet again.

“I do, because you love it. You want me to be act desperately like this, and that’s why you’re dreaming about it” Byleth told her, and Edelgard could sense that something wasn't right.

“What did you say?” Edelgard asked her, but before she could process much, Byleth’s mouth was on her sex, eating her out and making Edelgard scream in pleasure.

Edelgard pulled on Byleth’s hair, pulling her close as she moaned for her, feeling her tongue inside her and thrashing around on the floor as-

“El?”

Suddenly, Edelgard woke up.  
She was slumped over her desk and shamefully wet. Her wife Byleth was hunched over beside her, one hand massaging her back lovingly as her face looked worried.

“It’s okay, El, it was just a nightmare. You’re safe.”

“Uh?”

Confused, Edelgard looked up at Byleth.

“I came here to bring you more tea...you were working and you fell asleep, and when I walked in you were screaming so I rushed to you, trying to wake you up...it sounded serious, you screamed a lot.”

Edelgard’s cheeks burned red as she slowly realized it had all been a dream. Or rather, a nightmare. Well, one of each at least, since Edelgard wasn't entirely sure on which one.

“Was it that horrible? Your nightmare...” Byleth innocently asked, only for Edelgard to clear her throat as she tried to hide her embarrassment.

“I don’t wish to talk about it. Please don’t worry.”

Byleth nodded before bending down slightly to plant a gentle kiss on her wife’s cheek. 

“You know...I know something that might help you relax…I could climb onto your lap and-” Byleth started to purr.

Yet to Byleth’s surprise and dread, her wife interrupted her by grabbing her by the shoulders.

“Byleth” Edelgard started, her voice firm, “we’re going to bed now. And you’re going to be very assertive. Don’t ask questions, just do it, okay? I want you to...do some things to me. I have a list.”

Byleth didn’t know what the hell this was about, but she wasn’t complaining.  
And as they did the ‘things’ on Edelgard's list, she was definitely NOT complaining.


End file.
